[ is it guilt, this gnawing ache in her chest? the weight that settles there when she lies down to sleep? is it?
that doesn't feel like the right word for how little she wants to return to feeling useless and small, but alina can feel some responsibility there, no matter how arrogant, and she thinks that maybe guilt and responsibility are kinder and more flattering than the truth, so she shies away from prodding at it. lets it gnaw at her a little more, but out of her line of sight.
the desire to tell nina — not just someone, but nina — the truth burns in her. she stuffs the rest of the biscuit into her mouth just to stop it coming, and flexes her hands into little fists, then unclenches them before she has stopped chewing. ]
I know. You're right. [ she turns her head and smiles, nodding, assuring nina that she does not need the support that she desperately does, simply because she knows that she needs to hold herself back from it if she means to keep her secrets. ] But the people from the Adamant, they're not thinking about that when they look at us.
no subject
that doesn't feel like the right word for how little she wants to return to feeling useless and small, but alina can feel some responsibility there, no matter how arrogant, and she thinks that maybe guilt and responsibility are kinder and more flattering than the truth, so she shies away from prodding at it. lets it gnaw at her a little more, but out of her line of sight.
the desire to tell nina — not just someone, but nina — the truth burns in her. she stuffs the rest of the biscuit into her mouth just to stop it coming, and flexes her hands into little fists, then unclenches them before she has stopped chewing. ]
I know. You're right. [ she turns her head and smiles, nodding, assuring nina that she does not need the support that she desperately does, simply because she knows that she needs to hold herself back from it if she means to keep her secrets. ] But the people from the Adamant, they're not thinking about that when they look at us.