[ It's an admission that comes quiet, soft, and only after a stretch of silence. Sam presses his lips together, and swallows hard. ]
You told Bucky ahead of time, but you didn't tell me. And the way you were both looking at me, man... you both chose this for me, I didn't get a say, and neither of you really understands what it means. And then you left.
[ Sam feels that prickle in his fingertips again. Like he's gonna crumble away to ash and dust. He keeps his breathing even. It should have been an honor to have the shield passed on to him like that, but he hadn't felt like he could say no. It set him up for failure - accept it and a mantle he couldn't fathom donning for a country that doesn't care about people like him, or reject it and break the hearts of the two people who still mattered, who'd failed to allow him room for input.
And then, fresh out of learning about Natasha's death, Steve had left him, too, and Sam was supposed to hold down the fort on his own, and he'd choked on it all. ]
It ain't your fault, man, and I can't take you to task for shit you haven't even done. I can catch you up. But I... [ Quieter, still. Sam hates how small his voice gets. ] I need Bucky for that. I need my partner.
no subject
[ It's an admission that comes quiet, soft, and only after a stretch of silence. Sam presses his lips together, and swallows hard. ]
You told Bucky ahead of time, but you didn't tell me. And the way you were both looking at me, man... you both chose this for me, I didn't get a say, and neither of you really understands what it means. And then you left.
[ Sam feels that prickle in his fingertips again. Like he's gonna crumble away to ash and dust. He keeps his breathing even. It should have been an honor to have the shield passed on to him like that, but he hadn't felt like he could say no. It set him up for failure - accept it and a mantle he couldn't fathom donning for a country that doesn't care about people like him, or reject it and break the hearts of the two people who still mattered, who'd failed to allow him room for input.
And then, fresh out of learning about Natasha's death, Steve had left him, too, and Sam was supposed to hold down the fort on his own, and he'd choked on it all. ]
It ain't your fault, man, and I can't take you to task for shit you haven't even done. I can catch you up. But I... [ Quieter, still. Sam hates how small his voice gets. ] I need Bucky for that. I need my partner.