[ The skype calls from Wakanda had last shown him a Bucky that appeared calm, somewhat at peace. Maybe some of that was a show for his benefit, not wanting him to worry when their conversations could be few and far between, but he doubted that all of it was. Between that and the news that Shuri'd gotten the words out of his head —
It's a sharp contrast to the current picture. Throws him more than he's able to reconcile in the moment as it's all exploding out of him. Eyes widen and narrow again when his hand beats against his chest, the unhinged edge of his tone.
He shores himself up, shoulders tense and his voice imploring: ]
All I know is you weren't gonna find the answer in that shield, Buck.
[ No matter who was holding it.
You're not gonna find that answer from me.
And it feels like a knife in his chest that he can't give it to him, that all he's been accomplishing by talking is moving the goal posts all around the field. That even if he could manage to explain with their limited emotional vocabulary what you've always meant to him, it won't mean shit in the face of the larger question.
(that he left you behind to struggle with it)
He closes his eyes. ]
I'm sorry.
[ Not hard or sharp or half-shouted this time. Hands held loose at his sides.
no subject
It's a sharp contrast to the current picture. Throws him more than he's able to reconcile in the moment as it's all exploding out of him. Eyes widen and narrow again when his hand beats against his chest, the unhinged edge of his tone.
He shores himself up, shoulders tense and his voice imploring: ]
All I know is you weren't gonna find the answer in that shield, Buck.
[ No matter who was holding it.
You're not gonna find that answer from me.
And it feels like a knife in his chest that he can't give it to him, that all he's been accomplishing by talking is moving the goal posts all around the field. That even if he could manage to explain with their limited emotional vocabulary what you've always meant to him, it won't mean shit in the face of the larger question.
(that he left you behind to struggle with it)
He closes his eyes. ]
I'm sorry.
[ Not hard or sharp or half-shouted this time. Hands held loose at his sides.
He doesn't know what else to say anymore. ]