[ Can't expect you to be happy for me when I'm not sure—
He grimaces at Bucky's back. Lowers his eyes as he speaks through the starts and stops. Feels his chest wind up tighter than a bowstring again, his mouth twisting uselessly as a silence passes after Bucky finishes. ]
You know that's not true. [ You were the only goddamn person alive that saw any good left in me. The words are spoken not softly. It's a familiar kind of certainty. Solid and unmovable. Bucky can fill in the names, but they both know them.
A beat, and he takes a step closer into his space again, hand lifts for his right shoulder. Lightly at first, testing the reception, then more securely. ]
And I'm not... disappointed. I'm not disappointed in you. [ That's not exactly what he was trying to get across. Shouldn't matter. Might not be healthy, but it's something he can give him right now. His hand squeezes his shoulder and he pulls in a breath, holding it for a few seconds. ]
I'm not— handling any of this real great.
[ Externally. Internally. The latter is the harder admission by leagues. Grinds the words through his jaw, past his lips. It's not an excuse, doesn't want it to be mistaken for one. ]
no subject
He grimaces at Bucky's back. Lowers his eyes as he speaks through the starts and stops. Feels his chest wind up tighter than a bowstring again, his mouth twisting uselessly as a silence passes after Bucky finishes. ]
You know that's not true. [ You were the only goddamn person alive that saw any good left in me. The words are spoken not softly. It's a familiar kind of certainty. Solid and unmovable. Bucky can fill in the names, but they both know them.
A beat, and he takes a step closer into his space again, hand lifts for his right shoulder. Lightly at first, testing the reception, then more securely. ]
And I'm not... disappointed. I'm not disappointed in you. [ That's not exactly what he was trying to get across. Shouldn't matter. Might not be healthy, but it's something he can give him right now. His hand squeezes his shoulder and he pulls in a breath, holding it for a few seconds. ]
I'm not— handling any of this real great.
[ Externally. Internally. The latter is the harder admission by leagues. Grinds the words through his jaw, past his lips. It's not an excuse, doesn't want it to be mistaken for one. ]