[ Nina exhales like a gut wound, sharp and brutal. For a moment, she remains absolutely still, his hair brushing against her cheek. Slowly, she tilts her own head back, staring at the unforgiving covering of the wings of the dragon, as impossible as the fact that she is sitting just so in the arms of a drüskelle, as impossible as the fact that she was certain he wanted her, was still holding onto her, and still he told her no.
There were so many ways she could press the issue, and it would stop being real the moment she did.
That didn't mean she had to sit there and be humiliated. That didn't mean she had to overturn his gift to the ground and storm off either.
She was almost sure this wasn't about her humanity or lack thereof in his eyes - almost. She was almost sure that he was passed that, that he saw her as a woman, so this wasn't a rejection of... her essence. Just a rejection of her kiss, as he held her, gifted her with his treasures from home, set his brother to guard her.
How could these things all exist at the same time, so much connection and so much rejection? ]
Fine, [ she breathes out and shifts back, moving away and not toward, using her hands to cover up the lid of the semla so it didn't spill and not framing his face and making him look at her, not moving to comfort him. He'd made his choice; it wouldn't be the only chance he had to make it, but he wasn't the only one impacted by it. ]
I don't understand, [ it's said as she moves to stand, the box firmly in her hands, not setting it down and leaving it for him, not rejecting him, but standing all the same, ] but fine.
[ And she doesn't ask for an explanation, like she has every time before, because she's not in a place to hear it. She doesn't understand, and it hurts, and she needs to go before he sees her start to cry. She starts to move forward, through the narrow space left between his knees and the wall, her gaze fixed straight ahead and lips pressed firmly together. ]
no subject
There were so many ways she could press the issue, and it would stop being real the moment she did.
That didn't mean she had to sit there and be humiliated. That didn't mean she had to overturn his gift to the ground and storm off either.
She was almost sure this wasn't about her humanity or lack thereof in his eyes - almost. She was almost sure that he was passed that, that he saw her as a woman, so this wasn't a rejection of... her essence. Just a rejection of her kiss, as he held her, gifted her with his treasures from home, set his brother to guard her.
How could these things all exist at the same time, so much connection and so much rejection? ]
Fine, [ she breathes out and shifts back, moving away and not toward, using her hands to cover up the lid of the semla so it didn't spill and not framing his face and making him look at her, not moving to comfort him. He'd made his choice; it wouldn't be the only chance he had to make it, but he wasn't the only one impacted by it. ]
I don't understand, [ it's said as she moves to stand, the box firmly in her hands, not setting it down and leaving it for him, not rejecting him, but standing all the same, ] but fine.
[ And she doesn't ask for an explanation, like she has every time before, because she's not in a place to hear it. She doesn't understand, and it hurts, and she needs to go before he sees her start to cry. She starts to move forward, through the narrow space left between his knees and the wall, her gaze fixed straight ahead and lips pressed firmly together. ]