[ alina's eyes go wide with the admission. slowly, her hand creeps up to cover her mouth. she had never imagined that of balthier. it's stupid, of course. pirates do pirate things. but she'd never thought about the particulars. she'd tried not to. just like she'd tried to believe all the best of kirigan as soon as he'd looked at her the way he had, and she'd decided she liked it.

but balthier is different. he'd killed his father to stop atrocity, the likes of which kirigan had committed. that has to be different, right? but as balthier continues, she can only think of the king, and fjerda, and shu han, and the fate of the grisha without the black general. without a united ravka that protects its grisha instead of driving them out. ]

I'm sorry about your father. [ that's the first, most important thing to say. that loss is the most personal of all of it. ] Not just that he died, but ... it sounds like you lost him before that. To power. [ there's a shadow in her eyes. can she have lost kirigan to power, when the person that she'd grown so attached to had never been existed? it was a mere act. but even now, his softness seems real.

shame hits next. once her condolences are dealt with, it crashes down on her. wasn't that what she had wanted, fleeing os alta? a small, selfish, private life? but she is the sun summoner. she has the power to do something about this — or she could, if she'd just train. she might be the only person who could stop the black heretic. who could keep ravka safe for grisha. who could keep ravka whole. it sounds so arrogant to even think it, but ... maybe baltheir was right. maybe she couldn't run like he had. ]

Did you help Ashe because you regretted running away? Or could you only help her because you'd run away?