[ The desperation with which Alina grabs her hand isn't a surprise, it just confirms how much she's been carrying, how close she'd been to cracking.
The rest of this though - the rest of it is a surprise. Nina's response is instinctive, incredulous: ]
I'm not talking to you because I'm reporting back about you to the General! Saints, the man hasn't even asked me to. [ And if he had? ...well, if he had, something would have been very wrong. And she'd have crossed that bridge when she came to it. It's a fair question, despite the shock and the sting; after all, hadn't she just been speaking to Alina about the snake-pit politics of the Little Palace? It doesn't feel fair, though. You'd think, as a Heartrender and a spy she'd be used to people doubting her like this - and she is, and it sucks, to be so consistently judged by what she can do instead of who she is, what she is doing. Treacherous. Wicked. Less than.
But there's more to this than her instinctive response, it's an appeal to her stated goal - being herself - as a way to get beyond her loyalty. It's clever, really, and it shows just how badly Alina wants this - and what she must feel she herself is - if she is trying to entice Nina to be a traitor. Her lips firm for a moment, and she hesitates to entrust any more of herself to Alina, who's shown so clearly what she thinks of her, what she fears, and what she'll do when she's desperate.
Desperate, and afraid. And now Nina can see very clearly who Alina's afraid of, even if she doesn't yet understand why. She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. When she speaks, it's quiet so as to not carry. ] He'll not hear that you're afraid of him from me.
[ She states her conclusion as if it's a matter of fact, and that makes it something inescapable and real now between them. The fact of the matter is that she can't protect Alina from the General any more than she could protect Matthias from him. But she has absolutely no reason to think the General means Alina any harm. So then why such fear? ]
2/2
The rest of this though - the rest of it is a surprise. Nina's response is instinctive, incredulous: ]
I'm not talking to you because I'm reporting back about you to the General! Saints, the man hasn't even asked me to. [ And if he had? ...well, if he had, something would have been very wrong. And she'd have crossed that bridge when she came to it. It's a fair question, despite the shock and the sting; after all, hadn't she just been speaking to Alina about the snake-pit politics of the Little Palace? It doesn't feel fair, though. You'd think, as a Heartrender and a spy she'd be used to people doubting her like this - and she is, and it sucks, to be so consistently judged by what she can do instead of who she is, what she is doing. Treacherous. Wicked. Less than.
But there's more to this than her instinctive response, it's an appeal to her stated goal - being herself - as a way to get beyond her loyalty. It's clever, really, and it shows just how badly Alina wants this - and what she must feel she herself is - if she is trying to entice Nina to be a traitor. Her lips firm for a moment, and she hesitates to entrust any more of herself to Alina, who's shown so clearly what she thinks of her, what she fears, and what she'll do when she's desperate.
Desperate, and afraid. And now Nina can see very clearly who Alina's afraid of, even if she doesn't yet understand why. She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. When she speaks, it's quiet so as to not carry. ] He'll not hear that you're afraid of him from me.
[ She states her conclusion as if it's a matter of fact, and that makes it something inescapable and real now between them. The fact of the matter is that she can't protect Alina from the General any more than she could protect Matthias from him. But she has absolutely no reason to think the General means Alina any harm. So then why such fear? ]