[ that second if feels like wrenching the little grace alina felt she had right out of her grasp. the relief that she'd felt when nina didn't double down on dismissal evaporates.
she hasn't won herself an ally, after all. the first if had not been a reluctant admission of belief — she was still weighing it. alina backtracks. ]
Please don't tell him.
[ nina had made that promise before she'd heard the truth — to not report on alina's fear. it could all be for naught now. nina might willing to give a crumb of wisdom on how to best evade him, but that didn't mean she was turning her back on kirigan. what grisha would?
alina, then, was exactly as alone as she had feared. the only difference, she told herself, was that she knew it for certain now. but the pain remained.
and maybe she deserves it. after all, she can't bring herself to say things like 'i understand' and 'take the time you need.' she doesn't want to give nina those things. she accepts them only because there's no way to force nina to help her. ]
no subject
she hasn't won herself an ally, after all. the first if had not been a reluctant admission of belief — she was still weighing it. alina backtracks. ]
Please don't tell him.
[ nina had made that promise before she'd heard the truth — to not report on alina's fear. it could all be for naught now. nina might willing to give a crumb of wisdom on how to best evade him, but that didn't mean she was turning her back on kirigan. what grisha would?
alina, then, was exactly as alone as she had feared. the only difference, she told herself, was that she knew it for certain now. but the pain remained.
and maybe she deserves it. after all, she can't bring herself to say things like 'i understand' and 'take the time you need.' she doesn't want to give nina those things. she accepts them only because there's no way to force nina to help her. ]