[ it occurs to her as she raises her hands into fists and spreads the dome of light throughout the engineering bay. a quiet thought. one that grows with acknowledgment.
she doesn't like this. helping. that's cruel to say, maybe. but she feels small and useless as she'd been in the orphanage. she had liked being treated like a saint and having all the nicest things, for all the trouble it had caused her. here, she might be helping in an indirect way — making it possible for others to do more important work — but she feels like a glorified lantern.
hardly like a sun summoner. hardly like a saint. barely even a grisha.
the light goes dim. the engineers look up, muttering. ]
I need to take a break. [ she excuses herself to wander down the corridors nearby, shoulders hunched. her face is flushed with energy. she's the opposite of tired, skin humming. her power always does that. but it's her thoughts that need clearing. ]
02. these are my confessions (OPEN)
[ when she isn't helping out in engineering, alina is bailing water out of the theater. keeping the kids safe and dry comes at the cost of her own sanity, though, as she's left with itchy rashes from the flood water up her forearms and on her ankles. it's not a big deal. not really.
until she finds that squirming feeling in her chest, hot and unpleasant, waiting to burst out. ]
I can't stay here. [ it comes out utterly exhausted. defeated. ]
alina starkov (ota)
she doesn't like this. helping. that's cruel to say, maybe. but she feels small and useless as she'd been in the orphanage. she had liked being treated like a saint and having all the nicest things, for all the trouble it had caused her. here, she might be helping in an indirect way — making it possible for others to do more important work — but she feels like a glorified lantern.
hardly like a sun summoner. hardly like a saint. barely even a grisha.
the light goes dim. the engineers look up, muttering. ]
I need to take a break. [ she excuses herself to wander down the corridors nearby, shoulders hunched. her face is flushed with energy. she's the opposite of tired, skin humming. her power always does that. but it's her thoughts that need clearing. ]
until she finds that squirming feeling in her chest, hot and unpleasant, waiting to burst out. ]
I can't stay here. [ it comes out utterly exhausted. defeated. ]