If I can let the memory heal

[unclesam]

WHO: Sam Wilson & Others
WHAT: Catch-All for June (Closed/Open Starters in Comments)
WHEN: Throughout June
WHERE: Throughout Camp Leviathan / USCC Adamant Exploration
NOTES/WARNINGS: Canon typical swearing, some minor injuries, references to PTSD and nightmares, other warnings will be added in threads

I will remember you with me on that field

Comments

[unclesam]

Ain't on you, Steve.

[ He means that. This Steve hasn't done any of it. And wouldn't. It makes Sam wonder how he's carrying the weight of loss right now - but knowing it's fixed must help that crack. Where somewhere between 2018 and 2023, Steve Rogers broke under the trauma of unimaginable, countless losses and couldn't live in a present in which he had no way of knowing if he might not lose his friends all over again, fleeing into a past in which he knew the exact outcomes and wasn't at risk of having to bear further losses before their time... this Steve, at least, has a silver lining, no matter how inconceivable the details must understandably feel to him. ]

For what it's worth, you looked at peace.

[ And as for Walker...

Thanks again for coming forward with the shield, Sam. It was the right decision.

He can still feel that clammy hand in his, and conjure up that fake smile. Wonders why they bothered with the charade of even putting the shield behind glass like Sam wanted, when they were clearly ready with Walker, when at no point in any of this Sam's wishes had actually mattered.

Three medals of honor.

There wasn't enough left of Riley to be shipped back in a box. Classified all over his file. Whole thing smeared into the desert sand and sold as a tragic accident doing routine training maneuvers. Fireworks still bring Sam right back into that dark night, weaving and dodging through explosions in the air. Riley died trying to save people. What exactly Walker was awarded medals for, Sam doesn't know. But he's seen enough of the man and knows enough about that war to hazard a wild guess or a dozen.

While we love heroes who put their lives on the line to defend Earth, we also need a hero to defend this country. We need a real person who embodies America's greatest values. We need someone to inspire us again. Someone who could be a symbol for all of us.

And he can still remember what it was like to crumble away into nothing, flaking away atom by atom as if he'd never even existed at all. Watching Walker presented on TV day after they'd shaken his hand and thanked him for laying the shield to rest in the Smithsonian had felt just like it.

He should have known better. Sam prides himself on being an optimist with people, with individuals, and a realist with the world at large.

Sam knows he's fallen silent a little too long here, and tries to keep his mind on what matters. ]

Yeah that... doesn't last.

[fossils]

[ The punch to his shoulder has him blinking a few times, eyeing Natasha with a grimace barely concealed behind a tight, closed lipped smile.

This is the other side of being known. Care that feels like it'll never not feel half like coddling. Rankles more than it soothes. Takes effort not to reject outright. To reconcile.

You haven't done any of that yet.

(but you're all sure that he has to)

For what it's worth, you looked at peace.

(sounds like what you say to a dying man)

He's quiet again as they talk, his gaze shifting from one to another. His features shift more solidly toward grimacing, and he shakes his head. ]

Never heard of the guy.

[ Walker.

Kind of a non-entity right now. ]

[dissemblance]

Count yourself lucky. Wish I hadn't.

（ it's a joke. as much as anything here even can be. four people pulled together, across time and space and death, each their own island of misery.

she studies sam as she speaks. she needs to make time for him later. see what's up. ）