EVENT #01 —

[raiamods]

WHO: All PCs
WHAT: Guests arrive at the basecamp
WHEN: June 10 - June 17
WHERE: Basecamp Leviathan
NOTES/WARNINGS: None currently (let us know if we should update this because we missed something)

EVENT LOG 001 — JUNE ❀

CONTENT WARNINGS: None currently (let us know if we missed something and should update this!)

Please note that several of these sections have deadlines, so it's a good idea to prioritize your plotting for the earlier section of the event first.

A calendar of events and deadlines is as follows:

IC:
June 10 - The thessyx arrive with the shell.
June 11 - Dinner with the thessyx, gifts distributed.
June 12 - Scrimmage interrupted by the formation of a sinkhole.
June 14 - Critters emerge from the sinkhole in the gymnasium.
June 13-17 - Two more sinkholes open up, with more critters emerging within the day.

OOC:
June 13 - Last day to ask about your character interfering with the shell.
June 16 - Last day to ask about your character joining the closed-door meeting with Childe and the thessyx.
June 30 - Last day to register the way your character engages with the thessyx and the critters directly. (Mods do not anticipate replying to these comments.)

❀ UNEXPECTED VISITORS

At noon on June 10, a dozen visitors arrive. The Thessyx carry themselves quietly, moving through the base as if they were attempting to enter a body of water without disturbing it. Lightweight robes of some native skein cover their green-grey amphibian skin, but do not obscure the fact that each of them possesses four arms. Once inside the base and in the leviathan’s embrace, they will lower their hoods and additionally reveal fins of varying colors along the back of their scalps. These creatures have slit noses; wide-set, irisless eyes; and mouths that stretch the full width of their skull. With them, they bring a great shell about three meters long and as tall as a small adult human.

The security force of the Adamant greets the visitors on their entry to camp. These strange amphibious creatures inform the security force that they are the Thessyx, and that the shell is full of gifts. The security force is ordered by Chief Security Officer Rémi to lock the shell away until Captain Childe has had the opportunity to decide what will be done with the contents. If you intend for your character to interfere with the shell in some way, please reach out in the QUESTIONS thread below BEFORE JUNE 13TH — this includes if your character would try to stop others from interfering with it.

Three of their number with blue fins on their head go to speak in a closed-door meeting with Captain Childe. If your character would like to attempt to get access to this meeting, please reach out in the QUESTIONS thread below with an explanation of how they would attempt to do so BEFORE JUNE 16TH.

The next day, more Thessyx arrive, and they will remain on the base for about one week. They move around the camp fairly casually, mingling with the Adamant’s crew. They are particularly interested in the hatchlings. If your character would like to ask specific questions of the Thessyx they encounter, please direct them to the QUESTIONS thread below.

Just before dinner the next evening (June 11), Captain Childe announces that there will be a special celebration in the mess hall, courtesy of their guests — all of their guests. The announcement is as follows, and goes out on the communication devices camp-wide:

I'm sure some of you have noticed the Thessyx walking among us. In light of their arrival and the gifts they've brought with them, we've decided to have a joint celebration in the mess. They have agreed to have guards from their city patrol our perimeter, so everyone has twelve hours off. Attendance isn't mandatory, but it's strongly suggested.

They've brought gifts for our new arrivals as well. These gifts are to be distributed later. I know some of you will think it's unfair that the Thessyx are favoring them, and that in three years of being here this is the first time they've initiated contact with us. Tensions are bound to be high — but the first person who picks a fight is getting thrown in the brig, I don't care if you're a civilian or not. We could all use this break.

Don't offend them. No fish jokes.

Childe out.

At dinner, a few crew members get out their instruments, and Captain Childe even looks the other way when Senior Engineer Thorkil Bjørnson opens up a barrel of the moonshine he’s just finished. It means going without later, but they’ll share some of their modest wealth with the Thessyx. The mess hall is cluttered with revelry, and some of the tables have been pushed together to make room for people to dance.

The feast is made up of various mosses and seaweeds, pickled insects, and a few mollusks. Whether this sounds appetizing or not, it’s the freshest food anyone on the base has had for a while, and it seems it’s only intended for the Children of the Leviathan. Some crew members look on jealously or externalize their bitterness. Others may be pushier — after all, they’ve been providing for the hatchlings out of their own supplies for a while now. Still others will be surprised if any of the hatchlings offer trades or pawn the food off on them preemptively — they may be inclined towards favors and good will.

A few notes:

The Thessyx refer to the hatchlings as ‘Children of the Leviathan.’ They do not appear to sleep, nor do they step out from under the leviathan’s embrace when the sun is out. The three blue finned Thessyx who meet with Captain Childe are not the Thessyx’s leaders, only representatives. They prefer to ask the PCs questions about them and where they came from rather than answering questions about themselves.

To interfere with the shell, attempt to be involved in the closed-door meeting between Childe and the thessyx, or to ask questions of the thessyx, please visit the QUESTIONS sub-thread. These options have staggered deadlines so that we can account for each stage while responding to the next; these actions of some hatchlings will reflect on others.

By JUNE 30TH at 21:00 EST, please respond to the mod comment labeled THESSYX GREETING with a brief description of how your character would greet the Thessyx. Feel free to write multiple characters in a single comment. We just want to check the temperature in the room.

❀ A DISTURBANCE UNDERFOOT

On June 12th, the thessyx’s visit is disrupted by the appearance of a sinkhole in the gymnasium. The basketball court, which was already in disrepair, suffers the worst of the damage. In the midst of a scrimmage between PCs and NPCs, which the thessyx observe quite rapturously, a 5-meter hole opens in the middle, with concrete and steel and earth crumbling underfoot. Any injured PCs will have their sprains and scratches treated well by the medical team, and the gymnasium will be closed until further notice. Don’t worry! The Adamant’s engineers are on the case, figuring out how the soil’s stability gave way. This could be bad news for the entirety of the basecamp if it’s an ongoing issue. The engineers could probably use some help addressing the issue — to volunteer, reach out to us in the QUESTIONS thread.

Over the next couple days, two more sinkholes appear — one near the Memorial Wall, and one in the showers (though it thankfully doesn’t seem to have affected the plumbing). Anyone injured by a sinkhole will also have their sprains and scratches treated well by the medical team. Cartagena shares a helpful (“helpful”) PSA about the dangers of sinkholes and how to protect yourself, which is clearly dated and has nothing to do with whatever is going on here on Ethyraia:

Hello, Children of the Leviathan! Isn’t that a silly name? I guess it’s the most accurate, since you did come from eggs. Soon you will be one month old! Hahaha! Biology can be odd sometimes.

It’s not just biology, though! Ecology is certainly strange and confusing, and nothing is stranger and more confusing than the ecology of Ethyraia. I’m sure you have all noticed the sinkholes appearing more and more often these days. Do not be alarmed! Not because there is nothing alarming, but because alarm leads to panic and panic leads to more danger!

For the time being, please follow these helpful tips for sinkholes:
1. If you see a sinkhole, go the opposite direction.
2. If you fall into a sinkhole, try not to cry. Instead, yell for help!

I think these are sufficient enough guidelines to follow, yes?

Remember, be careful out there! And protect your squishy selves. You never know when you might be useful later. Then it would be a shame if your squishy self was gone. We’d all be very sad. Or most of us. Or some of us. At least me, to the capacity that an AI can be sad.

Stay safe! Cartagena out.

On June 14th, the first of the critters emerges from the sinkhole in the gymnasium. These creatures are roughly a meter tall at the shoulder, blind, with enormous clawed forepaws and supernumerary hind-legs that appear shrunken and shrivelled and barely provide function. These creatures have tough, armored hides and truly, truly awful breath. They are capable of tearing through metal with their claws, and small arms fire does nothing to them. Within the day, dozens of them have skittered into the base. They seem as confused and afraid to be in here as the basecamp’s residents are to have them here. However, these are wild animals; they react to their fear with sharp teeth and claws. A few perseverant critters find their way into the cafeteria, sniffing out food, while others can be found gnawing on cables that power the lights for the basecamp.

Chief Security Officer Rémi will be quick to pursue an extermination plan. The problem is big enough that the PCs are encouraged to help out, and those who volunteer will be quickly accepted, as long as they aren't trying to offer their own bright ideas.

A few notes:

To volunteer to help out with engineering, please visit the QUESTIONS sub-thread.

If your character would volunteer to help security exterminate the creatures, or if they would disregard the security force and go after the critters on their own, please let us know in the QUESTIONS thread so we can talk about what this would look like. Rémi isn’t well-known for liking people who subvert the chain of command.

By JUNE 30TH at 21:00 EST, please respond to the CRITTER WRANGLING comment with how you vote the critters get dealt with — extermination, rehoming, or something else. If someone has already commented with your characters’ IC preference, please add your +1 under other people’s comments, so it’s easier for us to sort.

Comments

[sunmon]

How far would you be willing to go to ensure a safe place — freedom — for all Grisha?

[ it's a noble goal. or it might have been, once. but she doesn't know that it's truly at the heart of what kirigan is doing. how could it be, if he was willing to do so many terrible things to get there? baghra's voice beats like a drum in the back of her mind. ]

East and West Ravka are fracturing. West Ravka tried to have me assassinated. Would you go to war with them? [ she grapples for more specifics, something that at least brushes up against the real horrors in question. ] Would you support the King if he put their cities to siege, and innocent people starved no matter how they felt about Grisha?

[neversmall]

[ Nina looks horrified. Her instinctive reaction is to cry: ] No! [ and she is just enough inside her own skin with Alina to actually do so.

But then -- to be practical. ]

Innocent people starve in war, civilians get killed, but it should never be a goal, an acceptable loss. [ She doesn't know all the consequences of her actions, as a soldier, as a spy. She can only speak to what she's done with her two hands -- and they're red enough already, but she has never directly harmed a civilian and she does not intend to. Especially not her own people, what a horrifying thought. ] It happens, but it's one of the worst things that happens. It's not an acceptable method. We don't prove them right. Gaining our freedom by losing our humanity only looses monsters on the world.

[ Would she go to war with West Ravka to keep it from seceding? ...she would, though she'd hope that would be the last resort. And that was only because East Ravka would be doomed without it. But that wasn't what Alina was asking, not really. This is a clarification, an example to How far would you go? Nina can't help but wonder why this is what she asking. ]

[sunmon]

[ alina shows no such horror. rather, her gaze probes nina like fingers digging into a wound. does she trust this reaction? nina is a spy. she could invent whatever reaction she wanted. alina's pulse ticks up. she's out of her depth. she's so out of her depth.

after too long in silence, alina nods. she accepts the answer. it's uncanny, really. the way that her stoicness bears shadows of kirigan himself. like, absent anyone else to model her reservations off of, she has inherited from him that eldritch calm which he had cultivated over centuries. ]

Hopefully the King finds a better way to stop West Ravka from seceding. [ that's all she says. ] He may tolerate our presence, but he already sees us as monsters and weapons. It's no wonder which tools he would use if he decided to prove a point.

[ she had realized at the winter fete that if she was not a jewel in his crown then she was a weapon in his hand. perhaps the war could be won with diplomacy. but alina's presence seems to have terrified the worst out of everyone. she averts her gaze to the ground. ]

If things escalate further, I'm afraid it will be my fault.

[neversmall]

[ To be someone's friend is a progression, this is something Nina has learned. You can say that you're friends when all you do is wear the same kefta color and sit at the table, and though you share no secrets you still find harbor with the likeness there against the blast of distrust and envy of the rest of the Grisha. Heartrenders are, after all, the general's favorite soldiers.

You can say that you're friends when you stand shoulder to shoulder against an incoming foray of bullets, raise your hands together and inflict death over and over again.

And you can say that you're friends when someone has you by the shoulders and is not quite yelling, not quite not yelling at you to stop, to come back, to be better than this... and you do.

So Nina won't say that this testing proves that she and Alina were not the friends she thought, she won't allow the rejection and fear she's experienced to have a louder voice than what she can see with her own eyes -- Alina is afraid. She's asking these questions because she's looking for something, and whether or not she found it in Nina's honesty is beside the point, because whatever it is was not enough to quiet her fear. And Nina is a monster and a weapon and fear isn't something she can ignore, not after this, not when she's seen it in Alina too many times. ]

Is that [ there is not enough emphasis to warrant italics on the word 'that', but the emphasis is nonetheless present ] what you're afraid of?

[ And she waits, she makes the question like an open door. ]

[sunmon]

[ slowly, alina nods. it's a barely perceptible thing. a mere inch of movement. like she's worried somehow kirigan might see her make the gesture and figure out what she knows. she's been teetered on the edge of a knife since arriving here. ]

I'm afraid that if I go back to Ravka, I won't be in control of what my power is used to do. [ the words stagger past her lips. ] I'm afraid that I haven't been in control of it since Kribirsk.

[ but she still can't trust. not completely. she reels it back, hides behind the safest sort of treason. nina is obviously more loyal to the grisha than to the king. there seems to be a lot of that around the little palace. ]

I'm afraid of what lengths the King might make me go to. And I won't have a choice. You know what happens to deserters.

[neversmall]

[ This is a mix, then, of hesitancy, truth, and deception. Nina is beyond attempting to ignore the signs from Alina at this point. She's good at this sort of thing, she could even figure out which parts were true, which a lie. The fear is real, though, and the fear is enough to make her teeth ache.

She takes a breath, though, because it doesn't make any sense. The fear should not be this acrid, this acute, if it was a fear that was that far in the future.

It's a balance, a choice - how do you become a friend? And what kind of friend will you be if you don't act? The sort that just shares a kefta? How long do you wait for someone to show themselves to you and when do you push? It's different if you're working with a mark, than with someone you are trying to be a friend to.

She lifts her head slightly, meeting Alina's gaze squarely. ]

You probably haven't been. To be fair, how could you have? As you gain more control of your power and learn to understand the politics... I'm sure you'll be able to have more of a say. We all bow to the throne, but being the Sun Summoner gets you a lot of leverage. You're not replaceable. You can work with that.

[ And Nina says you and not we, because yes, she knows what happens to deserters and even though the choice tears at her, she would not unmake it.

She takes a half step forward, puts a hand on Alina's shoulder. ]

Don't let the future haunt you, Alina. We've got enough to deal with here.

[sunmon]

Right. Here.

[ the sharp breath she draws suggests all of nina's assumptions are true: the problem is very much not back and ravka, but present with them. she can't simply let go of it. but alina can't think of a good way to address this without revealing too much, without risking it getting back to kirigan.

she's probably already said too much.

fortunately, all of these things keep her from taking much notice of nina's focus on how alina can recover things back in os alta, and not how they can do it together. the self-involvement of adolescents. ]

Thanks for talking with me about this. I feel better. [ a little. it's not entirely a lie. she feels at least she can trust nina to have a line. kirigan doesn't. ]

[neversmall]

[ Nina had put her hand on Alina to be a comfort. But the unintentional effect of being a Heartrender and actually touching someone is that your ability to block out what their body is doing is pretty much completely compromised. And it's deception again.

Which can only lead Nina to the inevitable conclusion that there is something that Alina is very afraid of here. It's not Nina herself, at least she thinks. The fear is certainly present, but it isn't constant whenever she's around and she honestly... can't imagine why Alina would be afraid of her, so she somewhat comfortably rules that out. Nothing Alina's said has pointed to a fear inherent in their current circumstances, which only leaves:

Matthias - a druskelle, it would make sense for Alina to be afraid of him, except she knows for a fact that the two have communicated over the devices and Alina's volunteered to go map-making with him, so... ???

Kirigan - the general certainly was fearsome, but Nina was fairly certain he'd sooner chew off his own arm than hurt the Sun Summoner, let alone dealing with the various shades of attraction that she's been trying very hard not to think about, so... ???

Okay. Just gonna. Wait and see a bit more than and think about this later. It doesn't make much sense, but... okay. Sure. Why not this too.

She lets her hand drop and gives a wry smile. ]

I didn't even tell you about the giant fish dream yet. [ She sobers a bit. ] It will be all right, Alina. You're not alone.

[sunmon]

[ it's a grim comfort. 'you're not alone.' that's the problem, after all. had there been no ravkans, no grisha, no fjerdan druskelle to plague her here, she might have been safe. she might have stood a chance, and ravka too.

instead, she bunks terribly near a witch hunter, the black heretic, and a grisha spy who she desperately wants to trust but can't quite be sure isn't perfectly aware of and loyal to said heretic and spying on her.

she nods all the same. she can appreciate the sentiment, and try to hold onto the assurance all the same for its spirit. it should be nice, not to be alone. the real problem is how alone she feels because of how many people she knows here, but if it weren't for that, surely she could imagine how nice it would be to share in her burden with someone. and so, she musters a smile. ]

Alright, enough politics, about this fish dream.

there is... so much tl;dr... i'm so sorry.

[neversmall]

[ It's interesting, the way Alina reacts to that phrase - the first time, it had been with something like recognition; the second, with a brilliant smile; and now this --

Yes, what she fears is definitely here. And definitely from home.

Nina thinks she's been walking the line of her personal integrity pretty well - she hasn't called Alina out on a lot that she can sense, but then if she spent all her time doing that, she'd never be able to have a conversation with anyone. But with this ice cold, clammy realization - that this fear she has sensed in Alina is a consistent one for her, that it is something dogging her steps from home, Nina finds herself at an uncomfortable crossroads. By far, the best bet is to continue with seeming blindness, at least for a little while longer - to observe, and to determine her best path forward. She hates to see Alina this afraid; she hates to see anyone this afraid, let alone someone who so much depends on, someone whose company she's enjoyed. But Nina's broken away from Ravka and her and Matthais' safety is balanced on a knife's edge, the whim of one man - so it would be better to gather more information and then determine how best to act.

But at this point... would be inauthentic? She tastes copper in her mouth as she remembers what she doesn't want to remember, and if it becomes inauthentic, if it becomes deceptive...

Then no matter what she tells herself about the progression of friendship, this is no longer something real. Alina would become simply an asset, a mark, and nothing about it would truly belong to Nina anymore, just the sliver of herself that she is projecting.

She's had to live life like that before, and she hates it. Does she have the luxury to abandon wisdom, does she dare take try to take hold of what she truly wants - real, or not at all?

Fuck it. She doesn't know. ]

You know... there's what's just politics, all the way back home, and then there's whatever is making it so your heartbeat is racing here. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to tell me. Trust is something that should be earned, even if ultimately it's something just given. But I hope you'll believe me when I tell you that I'm going to do what I can to help you. Even if you weren't the Sun Summoner, you're Grisha - and I think we've all had enough of other people telling us who to be, and how to use or not use our powers. We have the chance here to just be ourselves... [ she trails off, a little lost with where she was going with all this, and not entirely sure how she'd gotten to this point in the first place - that's what comes of opening your mouth in the first place. ] ...and isn't that the point?

[ Just to be themselves, and make the best choices with their power that they can? But it's their power, no one else's. ]

it's ok i love it

[sunmon]

Don't tell him.

[ it's perhaps the oddest thing she could have come back with, but survival is like that. the greatest threat to alina right now isn't the moles or the rats or the acid rain. it's kirigan. she has absolutely no idea what he'd of if he knew what she knew, if he decided she was a problem. but she knows that he's powerful enough for the prospect to be terrifying.

she grabs nina's hands. if she's ready to give voice alina's odd behavior, then it means she might also be ready to report it. ]

I know that he's your General, but it's like you said. You can be yourself here. You don't — You don't have to be Second Army just because you're Grisha. [ but all that loyalty to grisha, to ravka, sounds like the stuff of the little palace. the stuff that made alina so worried in the first place that they must all know about kirigan, that the safest place for her could only be outside of it. ] You don't have to spy for him.

1/2

[neversmall]

[ ...

what

the

hell? ]

2/2

[neversmall]

[ The desperation with which Alina grabs her hand isn't a surprise, it just confirms how much she's been carrying, how close she'd been to cracking.

The rest of this though - the rest of it is a surprise. Nina's response is instinctive, incredulous: ]

I'm not talking to you because I'm reporting back about you to the General! Saints, the man hasn't even asked me to. [ And if he had? ...well, if he had, something would have been very wrong. And she'd have crossed that bridge when she came to it. It's a fair question, despite the shock and the sting; after all, hadn't she just been speaking to Alina about the snake-pit politics of the Little Palace? It doesn't feel fair, though. You'd think, as a Heartrender and a spy she'd be used to people doubting her like this - and she is, and it sucks, to be so consistently judged by what she can do instead of who she is, what she is doing. Treacherous. Wicked. Less than.

But there's more to this than her instinctive response, it's an appeal to her stated goal - being herself - as a way to get beyond her loyalty. It's clever, really, and it shows just how badly Alina wants this - and what she must feel she herself is - if she is trying to entice Nina to be a traitor. Her lips firm for a moment, and she hesitates to entrust any more of herself to Alina, who's shown so clearly what she thinks of her, what she fears, and what she'll do when she's desperate.

Desperate, and afraid. And now Nina can see very clearly who Alina's afraid of, even if she doesn't yet understand why. She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. When she speaks, it's quiet so as to not carry. ] He'll not hear that you're afraid of him from me.

[ She states her conclusion as if it's a matter of fact, and that makes it something inescapable and real now between them. The fact of the matter is that she can't protect Alina from the General any more than she could protect Matthias from him. But she has absolutely no reason to think the General means Alina any harm. So then why such fear? ]

[sunmon]

[ she ought to defend herself, really. it sounds absurd, unstable, to be so paranoid about it, to accuse nina of something like that when all nina had ever done was be her friend. but that's the trouble. nina had tried to be her friend, and nina also spied for general kirigan. there's no way not to make that assumption.

she must understand. she must. even if she didn't know the truth, and from her reaction, alina can only guess that she doesn't, for it wouldn't seem so absurd if she did, then ... she must know that the general would never risk losing his sun summoner. nina would know what alina means to him, to all grisha.

but alina feels sick, hearing it said out loud. she leans back against the nearby wall, pressing her eyes closed. she breathes slowly. ]

I believe you. [ which is hard, for her. trust is not easily given when the general had shattered it the way he had. ]

sorry for the delay!

[neversmall]

[ Nina's nostrils flare slightly as she takes a deep breath. Her gaze rests heavily on Alina, the focus not the focus of a knife point, but of a magnet - waiting for any clue to stand at attention and present itself to the inevitable force of her attention. She doesn't want to deal with this. She doesn't have much choice.

Quietly: ] Why are you afraid of him? Has he hurt you? Forced you somehow?

[ She remembers how the shallowness of Alina's 'I think he likes seeing it on me' and all the implications that she wanted Kirigan's attention which never rang quite true. As difficult as it was for Nina to think of the general as a human, sexual being instead of a force of nature... well, apparently he was. The man had a... darkness to him, true, but he'd spent his life in war, attempting to secure Ravka's freedom and protection of Grisha and undo the terrible wrong of his ancestry. A bit of darkness was understandable, with all that. Nina knew on some level she carried it too. But she could not believe that Kirigan would ever turn all his considerable power to hurting that which he'd spent his life protecting - and Alina was the hope at the end of the story, the chance for a future, for an ending. She couldn't imagine he'd risk damaging that... ]

cw: victim blaming directed inwards, dubcon ref

[sunmon]

What? No.

[ though there's something in the horrified expression she wears that seems to think, to consider. at least a fraction of her horror is with herself. that's the trouble. he hadn't needed to. she'd thrown herself at him. if ivan hadn't interrupted, if baghra hadn't come—

alina wipes her hand across her mouth. it would be easier, maybe, to forgive herself the error if she hadn't done it again in the medical bay just to keep him from realizing her mistake. when her heart pounded around him, was that the fear or something else? could the answer be both? ]

He— [ voicing it makes it real, somehow, and she stumbles on it. telling nina the truth means committing to what she'd said before — that she really does believe that nina won't turn around and tell kirigan. it would be very, very bad for alina if she did. not only that. somehow worse is that it means nina gets to judge every choice alina has made since coming here — in a matter nina is an expert in, and on a subject no one else has all the information about. she exhales slowly, gathering herself by grabbing onto that rage that sits in her chest whenever she's awake. simmering. it steels her. ] He's not trying to destroy the Fold, Nina. He doesn't want to. He made it.

[neversmall]

[ Nina's brow furrows. What?

What's gotten into Alina's head? ]

That's not possible. The Dark Heretic made the Fold hundreds of years ago. No one lives that long.

[sunmon]

[ alina tries to believe it. it is the same denial she had clung to the night of the winter fete, in the passage with baghra. she wants nina to tell her that she's being ridiculous, that baghra was being cruel, that it couldn't be possible because, frankly, alina wants to be wrong. she wants the comfort and safety of aleksander and the little palace and the only place she'd ever belonged.

but she can't bring herself to. she is too sure. especially now that he had admitted to his own longevity, to baghra being his mother. out of the horse's mouth. ]

It is possible. He's — He's ancient.

[ she shivers. ]

Think about it. For Grisha, using our powers makes us stronger. It keeps us healthy. A Grisha with enough power... [ the word squeaks out in a whisper. ] He told me himself. Not about the Fold, but the rest.

[ she doesn't meet nina's eyes after that. the rest of the conversation was ... complicated. the shining hope that she'd seen in aleksander that there might be someone else with just as much power, the kind of power to survive that long. he'd put that hope into her.

and she was betraying him. ]

[neversmall]

[ Ancient.

It still seems impossible. That the man who'd guarded the Grisha of Ravka was one of the reasons why they were so despised. That the man who fought so hard for them had also created that which made their lives infinitely more miserable - had left her with only memories of her father, snatches of scent, an off-key hum of a tune. The Fold had taken so many lives, for the man responsible for it to still be alive, and not only that, in a place of honor and power and position -- and for no one to have known? For him to have gotten away with it for so long? ]

Someone would have noticed. You can't just -- stay in the same place, unchanged, for centuries. People are blind, but not that blind.

[ But people can be disposed of. And the Dark Heretic would have plenty of ways of doing that.

Alina said he'd told her as much -- why would he do that? Why would he risk that, if it were true? She feels her stomach sink, sickened, as she considers the implications. ]

[sunmon]

He faked his death. Deaths. Changed his name.

[ the words sputter over her tongue. alina knows nina is only asking the same questions that she'd had. she knows it. but it feels like an assault on the one thing that she's been bottling up since she's been here. there's a frantic edge to her reply. ]

Stop. Stop looking for ways to defend him. [ she takes nina by the upper arms. ] I'm telling you the truth. Just— [ a pang of something, there, in her face. ] Believe me.

[ who would?

who would believe the frightened girl who had needed to be dragged to the little palace by force, who had immediately set about searching for ways to escape? the girl who had hidden away from the fact that she was grisha for years? over their own general? this was why she'd needed to flee. she couldn't trust aleksander, couldn't trust baghra, couldn't even trust genya. if she didn't have nina, she had no one. ]

Please.

[neversmall]

I don't need to defend him when what you're saying is ridiculous.

[ What she says is reflexive, and not gentle, but neither is it cutting or cruel. Nina would like, very much, to completely dismiss this. It's much larger than she can afford to deal with right now; it takes all her much-sacrificed for priorities and smashes them into little tiny pieces, if it's true, like a madman with a mallet loose in a shop of porcelain dolls.

She does not want it to be true.

But Alina's desperation cuts her. Her terror is more convincing than her logic, and Nina can sense how badly Alina needs to be believed.

She wants to take hold of Alina's arms and forcibly remove them from her arms and walk away. She wants to cut the fragile cord she senses reaching out from Alina, something that is keeping her from spiraling, and just leave. She's deserted. This isn't her problem.

...but she just can't do it. ]

Damn it. [ She rips herself away from Alina and turns her back, staring up at the wings of the dragon to say an emphatic: ] Fuck.

[ She turns back around. ] If I say I believe you, do you have any idea what it means we have to try to do?

[sunmon]

I plan to run as far away as I can as fast as I can, before he finds a way to use me to weaponize the Fold.

[ it feels achingly cowardly in the face of nina's nobility, her refusal to abandon alina to her loneliness. in that moment, alina feels anything but saintly. she should be the one giving hope and instead she's robbed nina of that, and for what? so that she can say 'thanks, nice knowing you, i'll be going now' and leave grisha problems to the grisha? it doesn't satisfy. guilt wells in her gut like blood from a wound. ]

[neversmall]

[ Nina blinks, taken aback.

Again, the temptation to just walk away was overwhelmingly sweet. Should she allow her whole world to be turned upside-down for the sake of a frightened girl? She certainly can't discuss an inkling of a plan or a commitment with Alina now, not when she sees that the girl's been withered away to the wick. Fight, flight, scream - fear is pouring off of her in torrents. There's a determination there too, that same fear she'd alluded to earlier - Alina doesn't want to be used. And she doesn't want to expand the Fold. Running would seem like a good option, at that point.

Except Nina was able to look into the eyes of her drüskelle captors and tell them that the Darkling would come for them because of what they'd done to her. And she knew it was true, and so did they. He let no Grisha death go unanswered. How much more would he pursue the Sun Summoner, even if what Alina said was not true, even if it was only what she knew about Kirigan?

Run, then. That was all she needed to say. All she needed to do was nothing, and she'd be giving Alina more help than she deserved on the tenuous grasp of her word in the face of all that Kirigan had done for Grisha, for her.

...she still can't do it. ]

If I were to believe you, then I'd feel compelled to warn you that's a terrible plan. Run away if you have to, but for Saints' sake, make it a trap. Don't run and keep running and let the person pursuing you chase you down and be the one choosing the ground of confrontation. [ Nina takes a half of a step closer, her voice low. ] And you have other options now. We're not in Ravka.

[ She looks away and takes a deep breath. She exhales, low, still not looking at Alina, not looking at anything, really. ] I need to think about this.

[sunmon]

[ that second if feels like wrenching the little grace alina felt she had right out of her grasp. the relief that she'd felt when nina didn't double down on dismissal evaporates.

she hasn't won herself an ally, after all. the first if had not been a reluctant admission of belief — she was still weighing it. alina backtracks. ]

Please don't tell him.

[ nina had made that promise before she'd heard the truth — to not report on alina's fear. it could all be for naught now. nina might willing to give a crumb of wisdom on how to best evade him, but that didn't mean she was turning her back on kirigan. what grisha would?

alina, then, was exactly as alone as she had feared. the only difference, she told herself, was that she knew it for certain now. but the pain remained.

and maybe she deserves it. after all, she can't bring herself to say things like 'i understand' and 'take the time you need.' she doesn't want to give nina those things. she accepts them only because there's no way to force nina to help her. ]

[neversmall]

[ Oh, for pity's sake--

Nina looks back at Alina, her heart wrenching a little again at what she sees. But -- the Black Heretic? If she was truly dealing with someone hundreds of years old, someone who'd committed abominations, then...

She was way out of her depth.

And Alina was already drowning.

She meets Alina's gaze and sinks a little bit of steel into her tone. ] I'm not going to tell him.

[ Because if he was the Black Heretic, then Alina's fears were well-founded, and it would be a betrayal of everything she was and wanted to be to see the Fold be weaponized, to honor the man who'd marked them all for death in his selfish pursuit of power. And she didn't really think Alina had lost her mind - something had happened to convince her of this, and it was too frightening, too big, to be dismissed. And if Alina was wrong, nothing would be gained from Kirigan leaning about what she believed - what could the man say, 'No, I'm not,' and expect Alina to just go, 'Okay'? No.

But it was too big, and Nina was not prepared to fully confront it. She needed the added distance of the word if, she needed space - and she had the dangerous luxury of it here. ]

I'm not walking away from you, Alina. I'm just wondering if you've completely lost your mind. But I'm not walking away.